I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
