yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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