Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
