as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
