My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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