i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
