your room smells of hookers.
And success
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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