Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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