soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize