You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
