census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
