dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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