I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
