i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
