I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
