I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
