I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
