if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
