smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Your penis caused this!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
