a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
