Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They took my balls.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize