He asked to "fluff my boner.."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
