Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
