even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
