I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
