sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to align my fucking chakras
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
