help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
