i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
