break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
