I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
