She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize