I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
