You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
