I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
try to milk me bitch
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