Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize