it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
