why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize