Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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