You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
