Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
