I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
