You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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