Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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