i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize