How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
