it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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