Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
