Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
