u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
