Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
