You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
