did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
