My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
