If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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