While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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