Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
