Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize