something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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