my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
