Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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