No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
