listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize