ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
