I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
