im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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