We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
