Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
