herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
