our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize