At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
