Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
