I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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