remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize