Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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