Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
