it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
