he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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