did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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