well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
