I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
