her vagine was all disorganized.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
