Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
