i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
