I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
