My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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