JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
