awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
